Team Building

To be successful today you have to work in teams and the stronger the team-the greater the results, it's just that simple.

Business is moving too fast for one person to keep up these days, that's why the day of the 'lone ranger leader' is dead and gone, you have to work in teams and you have to do it well.

I've studied corporate team building for over 20 years as a trainer working with large and small companies across America. Here's what I've seen in building strong and successful teams.

1) Different approaches get results in different environments- there is no 'magic formula'

2) Any approach to build unity among a business team achieves a better result than doing nothing at all

3) Results are the goal, so careful selection of key programs to address problem areas is essential for success


Which team building method is best?
New teams- need personality profiles, like the Myers-Briggs, to understand one another
Changing teams- need communication building skills to stay focused
High growth teams- need strategic planning to extend the growth cycle
Stressed teams- need structure and stability exercises to rebuild morale
Weak teams- need trust building experiences, like corporate ropes courses
Hybrid teams- need a customized format that rapidly changes to address key issues

Team Building for Success in Business

To be successful today you have to work in teams and the stronger the team-the greater the results, it's just that simple.

Business is moving too fast for one person to keep up these days, that's why the day of the 'lone ranger leader' is dead and gone, you have to work in teams and you have to do it well.

I've studied corporate team building for over 20 years as a trainer working with large and small companies across America. Here's what I've seen in building strong and successful teams.

1) Different approaches get results in different environments- there is no 'magic formula'

2) Any approach to build unity among a business team achieves a better result than doing nothing at all

3) Results are the goal, so careful selection of key programs to address problem areas is essential for success

Small and Big Business Partnerships

"Business is changing faster than ever so companies have to be focused, strategic and fast to maintain profitability.

One way to stay ahead of this trend is for the bigs to partner with the smalls to offer the best of both worlds to their customers.

Matching smalls with bigs brings the winning combination of Speed, Service, Skills and Selection to the marketplace.

This business model is growing because each company can focus on what they do best while allowing their business partner to bring even more elements to the table to further exceed the expectations of their customers while creating a lot of added value in the process.

Deeply satisfied customers today become long term loyal customers in the future, which benefits everyone involved.

This type of symbiotic relationship is like the important connection of a cruise ship to a tugboat.

While each one serves a very different function for the overall success of the experience, the customer may only see the big cruise ship and not realize that the 100 time smaller tugboat is what did most of the work to get them out to sea. Each business needs the other to be excellent at what they do well, and when each side learns to trust the rhythm of shared strengths and core values, it's common to see a business that was barely surviving explode with growth by rapidly moving ahead and thriving."

Summer Camp Alternatives

"Parents may be in a panic this time of year if they don't have the extra money to sign their child up for summer camp. Sometimes they feel guilty because of this and end up paying for equestrian camp on a credit card or go to the other extreme and just let their kids stay home all summer to fend for themselves.

Camp experiences add great value to a child and usually are well worth the money, however, there are other great ways for moms and dads to accomplish the same goal without breaking the bank. Based on the age of your child, here are some ideas to consider for your kids this summer.

-Library programs
Most public libraries have programming throughout the summer, ranging from popular films to story theater or reading groups.

-Church programs
there are dozens of great programs available from most churches all summer long that include arts/crafts and music

-Nonprofit programs
Don't forget to check out the great programs and facilities at your local YMCA or girls/boys clubs which offer fun activities for all ages

-Community centers
if kids are old enough to enjoy sports, or a community pool, then this may be a great fit for your son or daughter

-Volunteer projects
As your older children begin to consider career fields, but are too young to drive to a summer job, short term projects to benefit the community like working with Habitat for Humanity or in the kitchen at Meals on Wheels can be really beneficial. Or to even spend a day job shadowing a friend at their place of work could generate interest in future career goals.

Know that there is a place somewhere that your kids can learn, grow and develop this summer, even if it's going to grandma's house which may be the best summer camp of all."

Letting Go of College Worries

"College life won't be anything like what you've seen in the movies and will be a lot harder than you think, that's why I recommend that you mentally prepare yourself now for the major changes you'll face in the days ahead.

The more you've done to list out the college pressures you are expecting, the more you can begin to strategically do in sorting through your options to find the best way to cope with the pressure.

Everyone feels anxiety over being in a new situation where they don't feel in control. Solve this by really getting to know your school environment in a 'dry run' a few days prior to classes starting. This way you can already be adjusting to your new surroundings and may even get to meet a few new people in the process. The more you feel in control of your surroundings, the less anxiety you will feel and the faster you will adjust.

Here are the 'A-B-C's' of managing college stress.

A- Accept the fact that it's happening.
You are moving on and will be feeling pretty scared sometimes. What to do? Keep working to generate new relationships and positive results into your life by avoiding loneliness, or the 'freshman 15" and plugging into the many new opportunities that will be opening up around you.

B- Bottom line thinking.
Your rent comes due at the first of every month, just like everybody else's, so pay attention to how wisely you manage your finances. Feeling financial stability will reduce a ton of stress on you now and will protect you from creating debt that might become a roadblock to your options in the future.

C- Communicate, challenge and confront.
Everyone has times when they know what they need to say or do, yet are afraid to do it. Get comfortable now with directly dealing with issues by talking, writing, emailing, IM'ing, or drawing as a method to reduce stress and pressure. Straight talk is hard to hear sometimes, yet it can make your relationships smoother, while making you feel greater confidence in the process and that's what you will need in the days ahead.

Love By The Numbers

Jane Fonda's character in the film "Monster-in-law" is actually not a character at all, she's representative of the way some mom's actually bully new brides with manipulation and control to get their way. Thankfully these type of mother-in-laws aren't that common and most new relationships gained by marriage can grow stronger over the course of 2-3 years.

Since new marriages are full of changes for everyone involved, here's some advice to save the new daughter-in-law years of tears or heartache and pain.

1) She's your husband's mother, not yours.
Keep a realistic perspective on just how close you can get to this other woman who really did love him first. The faster you try to push into his family circle, the more you find some women pushing back.

2) She won't like you sometimes and may show it.
Some women have a tendency to overprotect their sons, while others tend to over-provide for them. Helping his Mom see that you are already on the job as a loving wife who deeply cares for her son will build trust that she doesn't have to worry about him now that you are in the family.

3) She needs time to build a relationship with you.
It took time to grow in your love to your new husband and you had the advantage of being motivated by romance. It will take a longer time to build a relationship with her and will have the disadvantage of time or distance restraints. Think of how you built friendships with the other women in your life-lots of phone calls, cards, meals, trips, shared holiday's and shopping!

In most cases I've seen that you can feel like you belong in her family and she in yours within three years or so. Understand that if you only invest an hour a year into connecting with your new mother-in-law that it may take a long time to get to a heart-to-heart friendship. You control a lot of the timing about how close this relationship will be so honesty consider your situation and think through your steps to move beyond an angry or attacking 'monster' to move toward gaining another mother's love and respect which benefits everyone.

Letting Go of College Worries

"College life won't be anything like what you've seen in the movies and will be a lot harder than you think, that's why I recommend that you mentally prepare yourself now for the major changes you'll face in the days ahead.

The more you've done to list out the college pressures you are expecting, the more you can begin to strategically do in sorting through your options to find the best way to cope with the pressure.

Everyone feels anxiety over being in a new situation where they don't feel in control. Solve this by really getting to know your school environment in a 'dry run' a few days prior to classes starting. This way you can already be adjusting to your new surroundings and may even get to meet a few new people in the process. The more you feel in control of your surroundings, the less anxiety you will feel and the faster you will adjust.

Here are the 'A-B-C's' of managing college stress.

A- Accept the fact that it's happening.
You are moving on and will be feeling pretty scared sometimes. What to do? Keep working to generate new relationships and positive results into your life by avoiding loneliness, or the 'freshman 15" and plugging into the many new opportunities that will be opening up around you.

B- Bottom line thinking.
Your rent comes due at the first of every month, just like everybody else's, so pay attention to how wisely you manage your finances. Feeling financial stability will reduce a ton of stress on you now and will protect you from creating debt that might become a roadblock to your options in the future.

C- Communicate, challenge and confront.
Everyone has times when they know what they need to say or do, yet are afraid to do it. Get comfortable now with directly dealing with issues by talking, writing, emailing, IM'ing, or drawing as a method to reduce stress and pressure. Straight talk is hard to hear sometimes, yet it can make your relationships smoother, while making you feel greater confidence in the process and that's what you will need in the days ahead.

Emerging Adult-Children Research

"The boomerang generation brings many challenges back to the surface for both parents and adult children to figure out. Since many of these issues may have been building tension for years it makes no sense to argue and fuss about it again, instead treat this very important career discussion with your son or daughter like you would with an important business decision-just the facts.

Set an appointment to sit down with a legal pad to sort through the answers to the following questions together.

When were you first interested in this career field and why did you pick this area to specialize in?
What is it about this career that you are most excited or passionate about?
When can you move into this career field and what certifications or degrees will you need to start?
Who do you know that has done well in this field and have you sought their advice to guide you?
Explain the details of how you will move from having career aspirations into developing career achievements?

This question brings up the details of their plan, including timing, costs, benefits, values, educational requirements and such, so there is the potential for some emotions to rise as each person sorts through the issues. Keep in mind that the primary goal is to come to a decision to best guide this young person toward early career success, so it may be wise to take a short break, or schedule another meeting to allow some of the information to be addressed when emotions have calmed down. Wisely guiding a young adult through this process is a challenge, however, it may solve years of wasted time in the wrong career field just to prove a point."

The Mary Kay Lady

"Some women really do seem to have it all. They have flexible schedules, above average income and enjoy the benefit of feeling more in control of their lives and careers.

Home based business has morphed into a major income stream for women who want greater opportunities without a lot of restrictions. We're not talking about a little bit of part-time income from Tupperware or Avon here because some of these women earn incentives and incomes that would impress anyone in corporate America.

It's a natural career evolution for many women to go from a part-time user of trusted products or services, (like Mary Kay, Creative Memories or Tahitian Noni), to ramping up to becoming a product distributor and home based business owner. The difference being that they can structure their business around field trips and get paid to do something that they feel good about.

I believe that we will see this trend continue as women discover the value of building a profitable home based business that flows within their other priorities instead of flooding over the things in their life that matter most."

Positive Effects on Child's Behavior

Family stress is often solved with the use of a family meeting, especially when there are no limitations placed on the freedom to talk about anything.

When parents and kids can sort through the pressures that they feel verbally it then gives them the extra time to sort through the most challenging issues and come to better conclusions.

Building the value of this important family tradition into our daily rituals will reduce conflicts by getting issues on the table sooner. Better to have a little more tension today than to allow things to gradually worsen and unravel later.

Hurricanes and Kids

How can parents talk to their kids about upcoming hurricanes or hurricane evacuations?
"It depends on the age of the child. The younger the child, the more they look to their parents for emotional security and strength and the less information they actually need to know about. However, If a Mom or Dad are not able to manage their own emotions or responsibilities; then the child will feel that pressure and become very confused and further stressed.

Remember, it's normal to be overwhelmed by having to evacuate your home in the face of an approaching hurricane, which is why it's so important to take positive action now to plan out what you can do with your family in the face of an approaching storm.

The best way to solve 'storm stress' is to take positive action now to protect your family before the storms come back.
You can help children deal with storm stress in many different ways, including talking, writing, drawing, even making up a song about the hurricane experience can make the time pass more quickly. This helps them cope and then to find calm from knowing that their parents are taking steps to keep their family safe even in the middle of the storms."

Why are so Many People Angry?

"People are more angry than ever because they are more stressed than ever and don't feel like they can do anything about it.

When people feel trapped in a situation, either at work with their boss or at home with their spouse, they have the choice to 'blow up' with rage or 'blow in' with resentment.

It's been my experience that more people than we could ever realize stuff their anger inside and hope that it will go away. Placing these frustrations and irritations on the back burner doesn't cool them off at all, it just let's them keep brewing into even more anger that later erupts at the wrong time, at the wrong place on the wrong people."

Mapping the Brain of an Innovator

Because of the Internet and the incredible speed that things are changing it's a great time to be an innovative person!

There are more opportunities than ever for those who think outside the box, however one thing hasn't changed and that is about results.

There was a time when highly creative and innovative people were shunned as outcasts in the business world because they could never conform to the rigid structure that used to exist where creative ideas were killed before they were allowed to grow and the innovators were seen as oddballs or worse.

Now that information is moving along at the speed of light, those who can bend, flex and flow with the waves of change will be the most respected leaders while the rigid crowd who haven't had an original idea in twenty years are falling further and further behind.

Quest for Happiness

What characterizes the state of happiness?
'Happiness is a mindset that reflects your perception of life at that given moment. Basically, if things are going the way that you want them to your mood will zoom up with a burst of positive emotional energy which feels breathtakingly happy. However, since this is a very fluid state, when things begin to change, (and they will), you might feel as if the air is being sucked out of your lungs when circumstances don't go the way you had planned which could lead you to spiral down into a much darker mood of being terribly unhappy.'

Is there such a thing as a happiness set point?
Most of us have a natural tendency in our personality toward being more positive or negative, however I believe that it goes deeper than that. Your life experiences have shaped your mindset about certain events or people, whether you realized it or not. As such, your 'set point' will be pretty predictable through life. Some people never seem to have enough positive to make up for their 'half-empty' view of life; while others seem to be content with just about anything that happens to them. Different people have different expectations of what a relationship should be, which further complicates the base level mindset about what should be happening in my life at a given moment. No wonder it's so hard to stay happy, it's always moving around, sort of like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall!'.

If so, can you be only so happy?
'There is no middle ground with happiness, you either feel it-or you don't. This may be why the founding fathers of America called this process 'the pursuit of happiness.' They knew that it was hard to catch, but that every American had the right to take a shot to go on a journey to find greater happiness and meaning in their lives.'

Are there ways that we can live more joyful, happy lives?
'Ahh, you said the magic word, joy! Basically happiness is tied into what is happening to us at the time, as based on external events or circumstances; while joy is an inside emotion that is based on a perception of multiple factors emotionally, spiritually and relationally. It is quite possible to be feeling a sense of joy internally, while having to manage cancer, divorce or a special needs child in-between all the other responsibilities that we all have to face and deal with every day. Taking an honest look at your expectations of how you perceive life 'should' be is a huge first step toward eliminating the false hope or resentment from what you feel you have missed out on, to focus on the blessings that you have been given. Counting blessings instead of problems is a great motivator to continue to build strength and success into your life every day.'

Coping with Chronic Illness

"Learning to cope with chronic health problems is a big enough challenge without adding the pressure of living under the microscope of supervisors or colleagues. Talking about your diagnoses to peers who likely have little to no medical background may do more to confuse them than to connect with them. Unless safety is a factor, (in which case it is essential to disclose every issue necessary to protect life and health), it is better to press forward and focus on accomplishing positive results on the job because no one argues with results.

If someone believes that it is essential to disclose their medical condition because of the possibility of declining health affecting performance in the days ahead, then there is a place to honestly consider if it would be wiser to make a career transition to less strenuous work before physical or mental symptoms require the change. When your health is failing you lose control of many things, so maintaining the ability to control the timing of release of information is a powerful thing. Consider your situation. Then review your options to make the choice that is right for you at this stage of your illness and then focus on finding joy in the journey of living."

Turning a Troubled Company Around

"The greatest test of leadership is to guide an organization out of a time of scandal and crisis; yet that is exactly what is required for new CEO's. Learning to see every impossible situation as an opportunity for strategic change is a beginning point for leaders, since every day provides a chance to rebuild trust.

Leaders in these high stress situations must model integrity in their dealings with others at every level, communicate clearly- (without yelling or sweating), the value of taking positive action with customers to rebuild their confidence and support. They acknowledge the difficulties of the past while taking direct action to address the importance of learning to overcome it and move forward.

Bottom line for CEO's in desperate situations. Trust takes a long time to build. A short time to lose. And a long time to build. Stop talking and get building."

Strong Women Cut The Strings Sooner

Yes, I have examples of moms who have taken this path that would probably talk to you, I'll check on this today and get back to you with options. How would you like them to contact you? My basis for this assertion is twofold.

First, after seeing thousands of people walk through this over the last twenty years it became apparent that women who went into motherhood quickly in their twenties were more ready to move forward to explore other areas of their identity, either by going back to school, switching careers, or taking on an 'extreme makeover' of who they are as a woman in some area of life.

Second, Noticing this trend our counseling practice led to several years of my own research on the subject, which will be the basis of an upcoming book, ("FastTrack to success-moving from college stress to career success" published by Revell, to be released in mid 2006). After interviewing dozens of parents of 'twenty-something' children the trend was further identified, even sadly so, by women in their mid 50's who had almost lost all of their identity to stay on as the 'mommy' to their college aged kids.

Ways to Exercise as a Family

Grocery Cart Racing, Mail Box Relay's and Trash Basketball are all quick games that can be played with young children to make daily tasks more fun while sneaking in some exercise as a bonus. Here's how it works. Take any daily or weekly task that might otherwise be a whine time, and make it a fun time by inventing a high energy game. Here's a few to choose from.

Grocery Cart Racing- Instead of unloading kids from the van to walk to the store to get a buggy, find one in the parking lot. Then Mom and dad, (or an older sibling), can make racing sounds, while pushing the buggy toward the store in a mock race. You save time by getting the kids into a buggy faster and if they are 'racing' to get finished first it's a game instead of a weekly chore to be dreaded. A full buggy is a lot of resistance training, but worth it if your fussy children turn into formula one racers.

Mail Box Relay's- Many communities have centralized mail boxes, but you can turn going to get the mail, (or newspaper), into a relay by taking turns between parents or other siblings to run a relay of sorts, by each one quickly going to the mail box in an effort to out run the other team, (or parent). Care is taken to open the box carefully to see what's inside, and then to carefully close it again to then crank up for the relay race back home.

Trash Basket Ball- Every parent of a small child knows the frustration of following them around to pick up everything all the time. This game is a quick way to get toys back into the box, trash into the can, or clothes into the hamper. It's simple and you've done it for years. Take whatever the object is, (except for breakables), and ball it up to take the shot. The goal is to get whatever the object is into whatever that basket will be quickly and safely, and to have a few seconds of 'being like Mike' making the impossible shot.

Burning calories by increasing the application of daily tasks is a great way to avoid boredom and a great way to build stronger kids too. When kids learn how to work through daily problems they are stronger and better able to sort through the challenges that every day brings with less frustration and fear. Not only does it make for stronger kids, because daily tasks are so much more enjoyable when thinking about how they can help you burn in the right places to get back into those size 6 jeans again!

Fathers & Sons Working Together

Expectations can be an ugly thing between fathers and sons.

There was a time when you did what your dad expected you to do, whether you liked it or not. That approach may have worked for some, but created rebellion in others. Over the last generation the world changed a lot as has the connection between a dad passing along his profession to his son. Technology may have replaced the need for some closely held father/son family businesses, but broken relationships, poor communication and the power struggle over releasing control to the next generation of leadership has likely killed way more father/son operations than all the low budget call centers in India combined.

The key elements behind these changes to father/son businesses are:

Bill Gates daddy didn't make microchips-
Today's culture often rewards the entrepreneur who launches out to break new ground more than those sticking close to home to follow in a fathers footprints.

The cat really was in the cradle too long-
Some dads were too busy to teach their trade because they were working 80 hours a week to keep the doors open and the wolf away from the door.

'It's a Wonderful Life' is a movie, not a family business training film-
Others resented the family business being 'forced on them' so they served silently and grew in bitterness, while others did the opposite of their dads and pushed their sons in another direction without any guidance at all.

(Note: for an interesting side bar of how long this has been an underlying pressure in our culture-consider the classic Christmas movie, "It's a Wonderful Life" Where Jimmy Stewart resents having to stay behind and care for the family business while his brother leaves town to pursue a military career. In the movie you can put a happy ending on a grown son's desperate situation by ringing a bell for an angel who gets his wings saving him. In real life it's a lot harder because it often leads to the hard choice of protecting the father/son relationship, or preserving the profitability of the business.)

Mid-life Crisis

Mid-life Crisis:
Every man goes through a predictable series of physical and psychological changes. It's helpful to view this process as a series of bridges that men have to cross at different stages of life, beginning in youth and going all the way to the senior adult years. All men will cross a bridge in the middle years of life, (somewhere between the ages of 35 to 55), but not all men will experience a crisis because of it. This bridge is positioned halfway through life and becomes a crisis because of several challenging factors.


Why it happens:
Here are some reasons men crash their lives and have such a crisis on the bridge called 'mid-life.'
-Stress and pressure are at peak levels during a man's middle years due to the responsibilities of parenting kids on one side and beginning to care for aging parents on the other.
-He may be making more money than ever before, but it spends faster than ever before too, which creates huge worries or fights about money.
-The massive responsibilities of the middle years can cause men to fantasize about running away from the harsh realities of their live today to swap with another man's life, which they always think will be easier than sorting through their own life.
-We live in a youth oriented culture which places great value on the 'package' outside instead of the 'product' inside. An aging body or balding head is viewed as a weakness by many, so some men focus on looking back to the simplicity of their youth, instead of finding the strength to look ahead past the pressures of today to face the rest of their life with boldness.


How to survive it:
Some guys think about escaping pressure by getting a sports car, others about getting a 'hot babe' to sit next to them in that car and still others chase mental fantasies of one day having enough cash to afford the car or the girl, while knowing that if given the choice between these three options, they would simply take the money. Don't miss the fact that fantasies aren't real and time wasted on chasing a mirage is time and energy that you will never get back.

I recommend that men don't go it alone, stay close to a group of guys they relate to, (through hobbies, sports, religious or charitable activities or through professional networking or development on their job). Take half of your anxiety and pressure can be relieved if you reach out and plug into healthy men who are moving in the same direction you are. Watching them successfully cross that bridge ahead of you will give you the courage to cross when your time comes.

The game isn't over at half-time, but play time is, so many men use these years as a chance to regroup and refocus on what matters most to them. The strength they experience by not chasing mid-life fantasies will give them the power they need to finish the game with strength and power.

Pre-wedding Jitters

"Almost every premarital couple I've seen have experienced some degree of 'pre-wedding jitters' and questioned if it was a supernatural sign from God not to marry that person. Listen, it's not God telling you to run away, it's just your own insecurities and doubts."

"Being center stage in front of your family and friends while wanting everything to go perfectly is a recipe for major anxiety because something is bound to go wrong. The more you worry about things being perfect, the more miserable you will be. Remember, in four hours you and your husband are headed out of town together as the runaway bride AND groom!"

"It's normal to experience anxiety in an abnormal life event, like a wedding, which puts you center stage in front your closest friends and family. This type of fear is temporary and becomes more manageable when you openly identify and talk about the pressures you feel with your fiance, Mom or the wedding planner."

"Anxiety basically comes from feeling out of control, so take action now to deal with the wedding issues pressuring you most. Resolving issues ahead of time allows you to enjoy this special time with your future husband making memories, instead of enduring it like an exhausted runner collapsing at the end of a marathon."

"I love the advice of the oldies song, 'it's my party and I'll cry if I want to' since a bride has the right to be emotional or to request that the wedding party wears pink. It's her special day and everyone wants it to be beautiful to honor her. However when the emotional pressure becomes overwhelming or unbearable, it stops being about a ceremony because it may feel like survival."

"Dysfunctional relationships come unraveled under pressure. If a bride sees the warning signs of rage, substance abuse, infidelity, abusive talk or behavior, then she should run away from the ceremony and run toward a counselor. Better to feel the short term stress of changing the wedding date than to move forward against her better judgment and end up with long term marital problems."

"I've talked to hundreds of women who told me that they knew in their hearts it was wrong to move forward and marry that man, but they felt pressured into going ahead with the wedding to please their parents or because of the money spent. Running away from a bad decision is always a good idea, but consider the timing of when to do it and the lives of others involved."

"Bottom line advice to brides is to deal with your fears as soon as they come up because the longer you wait, the more pressures and problems it causes."