7 strategies to protect your Kids from Media Anxiety

Identifying and disarming childhood fears after a major disaster

 by: Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor

In the midst of a national crisis like the Virginia Tech shooting, many parents are wondering what can be done to protect their kids from the additional stress and anxiety that can come from repeated exposure to the extremely disturbing media footage of the school shooting, dying students and SWAT teams swarming over the campus in Blacksburg, VA. 

Children and adults can be psychologically affected from repetitive over-exposure to the harsh media footage of the shooter and his violent and hate filled video taped messages to the world. Here are some helpful steps to make sure that your son or daughter is protected from the harmful media images that might create long term anxiety.

Watch for the warning signs of media overexposure that can create anxiety

Here are some of the symptoms and behaviors that may indicate your child has been overexposed to the traumatic emotions that follow a crisis situation.  Remember that your main goal is to protect your child and not minimize or deny their emotional symptoms.  The more symptoms present, the greater the need for the child to receive additional support and care from family, clergy, teachers or a counseling or medical professional.

- Major changes in energy level, especially lethargy or helplessness
- Heightened fear and worry about guns, violence or being hurt by bullies
- Changes in sleep patterns, especially nightmares or night terrors
- Regressive behavior, (e.g. "baby talk", clingy to parents or bedwetting)
- Preoccupation with loss of parents or being stranded without parents
- Major swings in school performance, from aggression, withdrawal or apathy
- Angry explosions or depressive moodiness stuffed inside in silence
- Withdrawal from normal activities at home, church or school
- Avoidance of friends, family or pets by going into an emotional "cocoon"

Any of the above symptoms can be normal reactions to a crisis event and may not indicate a need for professional counseling, however it is important to watch for major changes in your child's attitude, personality or behavior to know how to help them cope.  Here are some action steps that you can begin to use to reduce pressure on your children and keep them emotionally and physically safe after a major critical incident.

What can parents do to lessen the harmful impact of anxiety from media?

Here are some positive action steps that you can take to help your child avoid the negative impacts of being overloaded from harmful media anxiety. 

1) Take care of yourself
Since children draw much of their security from their parents, it is important to keep yourself well grounded and supported.  Spend more time with healthy family, friends or church members during this time to make sure that you aren't overly anxious and subtly passing that anxiety along to your children.  Just like the instructions that flight attendants give if oxygen masks drop from the ceiling of the plane, that parents are to put their masks on first, you have to stay as balanced as possible to effectively care for your child during this stressful time.

2) Be aware and be available
This is a time for extra precautions, but not extra fear.  It’s always wise to teach our kids to be aware of their surroundings, and if the child is old enough, you can talk about the importance of keeping their environment safe by locking doors, or paying more attention to daily safety issues, like looking up to notice if any cars in parking lots may be backing out, (as opposed to running through parking lots like children have a tendency to do). During this time pay more attention to being available for your child, to talk, pray or play.  As you heighten your level of involvement and support, your child will be less likely to feel afraid because they will draw strength from the stability you provide in the home. 

3) Watch your talk
It is recommended that you never discuss your greatest fears with your children, but rather use discernment in discussing your opinions about the shooting on the telephone or with your friends or coworkers if your child could possibly overhear the conversation.  Wisdom requires you to guard your tongue around children during this difficult time to protect them from being overly worried or afraid.  It is okay to discuss the facts of the shooting in age-appropriate ways with older children, but then move into a discussion of how we should pray for the families of the victims affected. This will create compassion and keep the focus on healing after the crisis, instead of focusing only on the evil of this horrible massacre. Talk is one of the best ways to help a child feel secure, so ask questions and then just listen to allow your child a chance to release their fears in a safe way.

4) Monitor media usage and guard Internet images
Television and Internet images are extremely powerful and vivid in a child's mind. That’s why you should take great care to avoid having the television on 24/7, but rather limit your exposure to media images, and the amount of time that children might be directly or indirectly exposed to hours of harmful media.  If you feel like you must have the television set on for long periods of time, (which is not recommended), then turn the sound off.  Talk about the positives of your family being together, or answered prayers, instead of focusing on the negative elements of a terrible tragedy in other part of the country.  Guide your children into stabilizing and feeling safe through the daily routines of what is happening in their world, as opposed to events happening on a college campus in another part of the world.  Protecting your child from harsh media images now will protect them from having to struggle to get those harmful images out of their head in the future.

5) Routine, schedule and rules
Children draw tremendous security from having a predictable schedule.  Build a regular set of morning and evening rituals, like getting ready for school or bedtime stories or prayer time; also pay attention to include meal time and personal hygiene rituals that are age appropriate for your child.  Even little guys and gals can help to take their plate from the table to the kitchen counter, or take more ownership of their daily rituals.  This actually takes stress off of Mom and Dad as the child grows in independence through the years, but it is even more helpful for the child to feel the sense of empowerment from knowing what do to as they begin and end their day.  House rules are always the same rules, which creates stability from predictability. No matter what is happening when there is a crisis in another part of the country, be consistent with your family boundaries to help everyone feel more secure by not allowing chaos to erupt from neglecting the regular established rules for household behavior.

6) Reconnect to family, friends and faith
Crisis events are an excellent time to reach out to spend more time with friends or family members.  If you don't have family nearby, reach out to connect with a local church that has activities designed for you and your child.  The additional socialization will help to build a sense of security from having other healthy people to draw support from as we all go through this experience, as well as allow every member of your family to be more aware of God's love and protection.  As a suggestion, read Bible verses on finding comfort during difficult times, like this one in Psalm 91: 9-10: "If you make the most High your dwelling-even the Lord, who is my refuge-then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.  For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."  The Bible has hundreds of reassuring promises of peace and comfort during fearful times.  Now is a perfect time to search out those verses and discuss the importance of a personal faith with your children so that they come to understand how the power of personal belief can give us all of us the courage to face the challenges of life. 

7) Focus on hope, instead of helplessness
Remember that we will make it through this difficult time. Keep focused on practical ways to keep your child tuned into their world and the things that are normal to their daily life, instead of overexposure to media images from other parts of the world. As you build these coping skills and life management principles into your home, your children will actually be stronger and less afraid of circumstances because they will be more aware of how to face their anxiety with the assurance of God's protection and peace.  Know that you are not alone through this time so reach out to other healthy people and keep reading and developing practical insights to help you and your children cope during the healing days ahead. 

Take courage from these words from President George Bush's address at the special convocation service held at Virginia Tech on the day after the shootings. In his message the President quoted Romans 12:21:

"These sources of strength are also in the faith that sustains so many of us. Across the town of Blacksburg and in towns all across America, houses of worship from every faith have opened their doors and have lifted you up in prayer. People who have never met you are praying for you; they're praying for your friends who have fallen and who are injured. There's a power in these prayers, real power. In times like this, we can find comfort in the grace and guidance of a loving God. As the Scriptures tell us, ‘Don't be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.'"

For helpful resources to save time by solving other parenting challenges visit:

http://www.LifeWorksGroup.org/

http://www.Family.org/

http://www.familylife.com/

http://www.DrWalt.com/

http://www.AACC.net/

http://www.NewLife.com  

NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information intact in the box below.

 

About the Author: Dwight Bain is a Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. Critical Incident Stress Management expert with the Orange County Sheriffs Office, founder of StormStress.com and trainer for over 1,000 business groups on the topic of making strategic change to overcome major stress- both personally & professionally. He is a professional member of the National Speakers Association who partners with major corporations and national organizations to make a positive difference in our culture for Jesus Christ. Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The LifeWorks Group (407.647.7005) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at www.LifeWorksGroup.org 

 

5 Things you must do to protect your kids from school violence by Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor

School should be a safe place of learning from teachers instead of a scary place where shootings and violence bring emergency workers and grief counselors. The recent number of horrifying acts of violence in schools has everyone concerned, from the President to local school and law enforcement officials. However, the best group to take positive action to protect kids at school is always their parents. Here are five key things you can do to take positive action to help protect your son or daughter from violent situations that could occur at school.

1) Listen to your child’s fears and frustrations

Every school has a bully, that’s not a new problem. However these days there are dangerous gangs and violent individuals in or around just about every school environment. Sometimes the violent person comes from the outside, but it’s more likely that threats, harassment, bullying, fights and acts of violence will come from someone on the inside of your child’s school. Students who use weapons against other students, like the Virginia Tech or Columbine shooters for example, often make threats long before acting on them. Become more involved in talking about the safety of your child, instead of just talking about academics or daily activities. Ask your kids direct questions and then really listen to their fears and frustrations about what’s happening around them at school. Keep the conversation age appropriate and allow your child to do most of the talking as you hear about their experiences with bullies or other situations that might have made them feel uncomfortable or afraid while at school, (Remember to change the conversation slightly depending on the ages of your kids and the pressures they may be facing at school, since it’s important to talk about safety to kids of all ages so they know what to do to stay safe while at school or away from their parents).

2) Get involved at their school & ask direct questions about safety

The greater the level of parental involvement the greater the chance that your child’s school will be a much safer place. When kids are involved in healthy after-school activities like sports, music, drama or scouting they are less likely to be in a dangerous situation, because everyone is engaged and involved, instead of bored and detached. Parents can spot and then quietly solve a lot of problems that may be in the ‘shadows’ by getting more involved in the lives of their children and encouraging greater involvement in healthy activities. Sometimes the easiest way to avoid becoming a victim of crime is to be involved in activities with others instead of feeling insecure and isolated when threatening people or situations come along. Kids need their parents to be involved in their lives at all ages, as classroom volunteers or to help with after school sports or extra-curricular activities. The extra support for your child builds a greater sense of connection and self worth, but it also provides another set of ‘eyes and ears’ on the school campus to notice what pressures your child, or their peers are facing. (If you aren’t sure how to spot the warning signs of gangs, weapons, substance abuse or when a fight is going to erupt, there are a number of web links at the end of this article to help you gain greater insight of what warning signs to look for, and more importantly, what to do to keep your child safe). If you see anything that makes you feel uncomfortable don’t be afraid to bring it up to your child’s teacher, school administrators or school safety officers. Also, if you are unsure about the safety plan at your child’s school to deal with crisis events like school violence, then ask to see a copy of their critical incident preparation training guide, or school safety plan so you can review it with your son or daughter and then pass it along to help other parents as well.

3) Use national media events as springboards into serious discussions

Much of the televised news reports about school violence are shocking to say the least, however, you can use stories from the newspaper, television or an Internet news source to bring the facts of a national story out in the open to then ‘springboard’ into a more personal discussion with your son or daughter about how to deal with issues they might one day face on the local level. This can especially be important with teens who believe they are invincible to the harsh realities of violent and aggressive people who direct their rage toward innocent people in public places, especially schools. Something about seeing a group of crying teens gathered around a makeshift memorial to honor their fellow classmate makes it more real… because it shows regular kids, just like them, who were forced to take action to deal with a dangerous situation at or around school. Asking, “what would you do if you saw a weapon pulled out in a classroom?”, or “does anyone at your school make threats to hurt you, your teachers or other classmates?” are all ways to get directly involved in protecting your child, as well as preventing the next breaking news story about school tragedy from happening on their school campus.

4) Have a home crisis plan & review it monthly

If your child’s school were on ‘lockdown’ would you know what to do, and more importantly, would your son or daughter know how to respond? Every school should have a formal plan on how they would respond to man made disasters, like shootings or bomb threats, as well as natural disasters like hurricanes or dangerous storms. Emergency officials encourage parents to have a similar plan for their personal family. If the electricity was knocked out preventing cell phones or the Internet from working to communicate with each other, would your family know where to meet together in spite of the crisis? Knowing what to do and then reviewing that plan monthly will remove a significant amount of panic because planning removes panic. If your son or daughter received a threatening note or heard about an act of violence, do they know who to call to protect themselves and their school? If not there are some web links at the end of this article to help guide you in the process.

5) Pray

We can prepare our kids to know how to respond to acts of violence at their schools, but ultimately we can’t protect our kids from everything. If someone wanted to deliberately hurt someone at school, they likely could try it in just about any school setting. However, we know that God is bigger than any bully and that He is always a safe place to turn throughout the hours of the day when we can’t be there to guard our kids. Many parents have the habit of praying for the safety and strength of their kids throughout day when they are apart. Why not give it a try so you can move from feeling scared about what you can’t do, to feeling secure in knowing that God always hears your prayers. Moving away from panic through prayer is a powerful way to get through any crisis and it’s a great practice to model for your kids. When they learn to pray as the first step in dealing with pressure situations, they will have a remarkable power and peace in dealing with any situation, at school, work or in personal relationships as an adult.

Prayer is a life skill that makes any situation easier to deal with, because you don’t have to carry your problems alone.

For information on school violence to review in preparing to talk to your kids visit:

US Department of Education

http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/osdfs/resources.html#safeschool

SchoolSecurity.org

http://www.schoolsecurity.org/resources/links.html

Center for the Prevention of School Violence

http://www.ncdjjdp.org/cpsv/cpsv.htm

SafeYouth.org

http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/topics/school.asp

National Crime Prevention Council

http://www.ncpc.org/

For helpful resources to save time by solving other parenting challenges visit:

http://www.LifeWorksGroup.org/

http://www.Family.org/

NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information intact in the box below.

About the Author: Dwight Bain is a Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. Critical Incident Stress Management expert with the Orange County Sheriffs Office, founder of StormStress.com and trainer for over 1,000 business groups on the topic of making strategic change to overcome major stress- both personally & professionally. He is a professional member of the National Speakers Association who partners with major corporations and national organizations to make a positive difference in our culture for Jesus Christ. Access more counseling and coaching resources from The LifeWorks Group (407.647.7005) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at www.LifeWorksGroup.org